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My friend Donald J. Trump has just survived a second assassination attempt at Trump International Golf Course, West Palm Beach, Florida. The gunman was less than 200 yards away in the trees and bushes when he was discovered by drones. His weapons of choice were an AK-47 semiautomatic rifle and ceramic bombs. He even filmed himself shooting at the president with a go-pro. The gunman, his two backpacks, and his car have been apprehended. President Trump has issued a statement.
